Goal Setting and Killing the Dream!

Goal Setting and Killing the Dream!

Let me just throw this out there real quick; I love setting goals. There’s something exhilarating about putting together a to-do list and actually marking that shit off. I’m pretty sure that’s why most people make grocery lists. That right there is an easy list to mark-off, unless you’re like me and forget your list at home each and every time.

3-todoNote to self: put “grab the to-do list” on the to-do list. How’s that for recursive?

Now, with that in mind, I’m not particularly fond of News Years Resolutions ’cause I’m of the belief that if you need a special day to motivate you into action, well, you’re probably not gonna succeed.

That’s not meant to be harsh; it’s just truth. There’s a reason gyms see such a huge increase in membership sign-ups in January without a very substantial increase in gym attendance. By March of each year the numbers have more or less stabilized at their usual rate.

With that said, I think New Years is a great time to revisit some of the goals you might have set for yourself the years prior. If nothing else it’s a great time to sit down and think about what the next year is gonna look like. What sorts of things do you want to accomplish? How is your life gonna look on this day next year? Maybe most importantly, what are you going to do to make that a reality?

One of the reasons people fall off the New Years Resolution bandwagon so quickly is they set too lofty of goals and then when they start falling behind, they give up. Welp, I’ll try again next year.

But that’s stupid on alot of levels, most importantly because there’s a comet coming for us and there won’t be a next-year–unless you happen to have a really nice retro bomb shelter left over from 1965.


Put on the to-do list: stock the bomb shelter.

Also put on the to-do list: get a bomb shelter.

Actually I don’t know if there’s a comet coming for us, I’m not a cometologist. But I have been groping this planet for long enough now to realize that tomorrow, or next year, doesn’t really come with any guarantees. You got something you want to do? Well, you might as well start working on it.

And here’s the important thing to remember about goals: It’s okay to miss them. In a very real sense, the beauty is in the struggle. Take Lord of the Rings as an example, 90 percent of life is the journey. The fire-pit by comparison is kind of anti-climactic.

I encourage you to throw out some audacious goals for the next year, but to temper those with some easier, more obtainable ones, so that as you go along you won’t feel like an absolute failure. It’s important not to feel like a failure, but you probably don’t need me telling you that.

So, instead of saying, “I’m gonna win the Mrs. America Pageant.” I would start smaller with more manageable things like “Get a sex change” followed by “Disavow myself of all shame” and then I would probably be ready for “Enter a Local Pageant”. At some point I’d probably have to sleep with Donald Trump, but you see, there’s a build up to that involving a lot of drinking.


Oof…gonna need a lot of liquor for this one.

You’ll notice that as I outlined my fool-proof method to win Mrs. America, that I phrased my goals in terms of things that are more or less in my control. Things like, “I want to win the Lottery” or “I want to find the man of my dreams” aren’t goals, they are wishes (and not particularly good ones at that).

So sprinkle some little goals amongst the giants; phrase them in terms of things that are within your control; and for god’s sake, don’t give up just because it’s hard and you can’t notice any appreciable headway.

Goals, dreams, whatever… they got legs, man. They can run for–fucking–ever. They don’t get tired. You can walk after them, but you ain’t gonna tire them out. You can sprint after them, but you’re gonna implode after not too long. You’ve got to put in the effort, the sort that you can maintain over the long haul and grind those dreams down until they are too exhausted to stay out of your reach. And then once they are lying on their backs, panting, with their tongues lolled out, that’s when you stab them with a shiv and drink the sweet nectar of their dream-blood.

Then you check that off your to-do list. Boom. Easy.


Okay, so get your buns down to the comment section and let me know what sorts of goals you have brewing for the next year, or what sorts of goals you had stewing last year. Doesn’t matter to me, I want to hear them and steal them.


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